“Emotional Affairs” Are a Slippery Slope to Cheating on Your Partner

“Emotional Affairs” Are a Slippery Slope to Cheating on Your Partner


The emotional affair, as opposed to the physical
affair, is really just what it sounds like, which is being emotionally invested in someone
other than your main partner. Where you are confiding in them usually intimate details
that normally would be reserved for your partner and starting to invest in them that could
be through flirtation that gives you a feeling of gratification that normally would come
from your partner. The emotional energy that it takes to keep a stable long-term relationship
going that becomes invested in somebody else is essentially being siphoned off from your
main partner. They often do turn into a physical affair. They’re often just sort of the gateway
on the way there. You’re not telling your partner what you
feel about this other person. So it is a secret. It is a betrayal because you know that if
your partner could see what you are doing with this other person they would be hurt.
They would take it as a betrayal. It’s healthy to at times have a thought about someone else.
But this now becomes not just about thoughts. This becomes about actions. So, you know,
you are saying sure yeah let’s have a drink after work or you’re touching their arm
or you’re thinking I’m going to wear this sexy outfit to work today because I’m going
to see so and so and really hoping that they’re going to notice and then, you know, we’re
going to have a little flirtation and I’m going to get some of that great feeling that
I get when they have a response to me. So one of the more common stories for couples
coming in to see me where something like this has gone on is it started with I contacted
or was contacted by an old boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook. Super common. Seems like it should
be innocent but it’s kind of cool. And then you get that little “Oh, that feels nice!”
And you start interacting with them. And because it’s by computer you feel like it’s safe,
right. I’m not seeing them. I’m not physically with them. But you’re tossing a little something
out. They’re tossing a little something out and it becomes this slippery slope. Not
that you can never talk to somebody who was ever in your past before but if you’re going
to no flirting, no seduction, no complaining about your current relationship. That is hugely
important. Stay away from alcohol with people that something might be a little bit starting
with because when inhibitions come down that’s when problems get started. Think about what you would be hurt by if your
spouse were doing the same thing with somebody else. And then also think about is there something
you’re looking for that is drawing you to this that’s not happening in your current
relationship? And focus your energies on how you can deal with that. So maybe there is
something happening in the bedroom that is not great or it’s not happening at all that
is making you feel like, “Well I need to feel good about myself somehow.” It’s
not a dalliance that has no repercussion. It often is the end of a relationship if one
person or the other goes there.

100 thoughts on ““Emotional Affairs” Are a Slippery Slope to Cheating on Your Partner

  • Not good advice not bad but also not good. This is human behavior and it is not the end of a relationship. statistics show it happens in most relationships. Also studies have shown it will boost primary relationships because it forces reevaluations when people become bored. I think the video would be better if it contained Facts and stats not just 1 persons moral point of view.

  • Because of my luck, I'm in an emotional affair with somebody, but it isn't physical. Purely platonic. It is honestly kind of weird. (Also, I'm single. She is the one who is doing the "cheating", if you can even call it that).

  • Agree with this 100%. I've been saying this for years.   IT's not about your partner controlling you. It's about keeping your self awareness at it's peak and understanding your actions and their consequences.

  • Sometimes i feel there is a necessity to tell your friends aspects of your relationship that you may find unsatisfying. Because you don't want to say them to your lovers face and hurt her, and sometimes they may not be things you act on but you just need to tell someone.

  • People are not built for 100% fidelity; otherwise we would stop finding others attractive. We CAN BE faithful, but it's not in our nature.

  • My ex was having an emotional affair with a guy, and when I left to go on a trip with my family, she physically cheated on me too. I'll never understand cheating. Just break up first and you can take your flirtations as far as you want without breaking trust.

  • Very, very wise words. There is such a thing, as spiritual or emotional adultery–which can evolve into physical adultery. Don't meet up with old flames, alone or in private.

  • You need to state your intentions at the beginning of a relationship. Want multiple physical/emotional partners? Great! Just tell your partner at the start of the relationship that is your intention.

  • Hell yes. Broke up with her after I found out she was messaging an ex at all hours of the night. "Just talking". Including about me. Bye.

  • Why do so many viewers of this channel feel the need to leave such toxic comments? It's like this on every of their videos. Some people can't wait to criticize these people who are just trying to share their knowledge or experiences even if sometimes what they say is simply their opinion.

  • As a guy I've been on the shit end of many "emotional affairs." Girl says she is single or just has a "friend" turns out when I am not prince charming or boyfriend is sufficiently jealous, I find out and bye bye me.

  • I feel like this is an excerpt from a longer segment. That being said I disagree with pretty much everything she said.

  • I agree to the lady. She isn't trying to tell you that you can't confide to others (work, gossip etc.), she is just stating that one should not get emotionally involved which might lead to flirtation and so on…

  • Having a partner who wants me to be open and I wish her the same I´m in a strugle She shall get the best and ill watch happy over them my sex partners will be close however is it fair?

  • I mean… She specifically stated to me, that I was to, "take her behind the snack-shack, & fucking destroy her mouth" so, I sunk her battle ship, & found a permanent stash spot for her knee-pads, hidden behind that shack full of snacks…

  • Wise lady. ^____^
    the advice against complaining about relationships in my mind doesn't just apply to romantic ones.

  • Who's up for an emotional affair? They sound like so much fun! I have so many emotions, I don't know where to put them all.

  • Easy solution. Don't have a main partner. There is no such thing as one soulmate for you. That is a crippling belief structure. Instead consider that we are all soulmates.

  • It's not enough anymore to just avoid physical intimacy with another person. Now we have to police all our thoughts and feelings! Don't you dare share personal intimate secrets with your platonic friends.

  • My girlfriend insists I do not contact my ex-girlfriend in any way. I had to delete and block her on all social media and she wanted me to delete all photos, but I drew the line there because they were my personal memories. I compromised and put the photos in an archive folder. I can understand why she is so insecure. She really worries about losing me to another woman and is very jealous. I am not quite sure how I feel about this.

  • Video is completely incorrect. If you aren't fucking someone, you aren't cheating. Comment section is filled with jealous individuals who can't understand their partners CAN be attracted to other people while being in love with you.

  • I've been separated from my ex for 17 years, and I miss he as much today as I did then. We had a great run, and I miss it. She's now married and has three kids. We are friends on facebook and I made the mistake of getting on facebook while I had been taking pain meds for a medical procedure. I mixed a vicodin with some hard liquor and lost my inhibitions entirely. I sent her an inbox on facebook and then the next day got a reply from her. She wasn't mad, but she did say she's in love and that I'll always hold a special place in her heart. How quaint. I want to ravish her like I used to and this is one of the parts about life that really sucks. She was the absolute love of my life, and I have drifted from woman to woman ever since. It doesn't bother me that she's with another man at all. I wanted her to be happy, and she is. I knew her longer than the man she's married to, and I know I'll always be seen in her mind's eye. I don't message her on facebook at all anymore, but she hasn't deleted me from her friend list either. It's actually nice being able to see her kids growing, and being able to see her happiness. Myself, though, I can't seem to fall in love with another woman as deeply as I was with her. Deep sigh…onwards….

  • You cheat until you Fck somebody else and even if you get head that's still not cheating. My definition of cheating is until you stick it inside another girl.

  • Or you could just be polyamorous
    More marriages splitting than staying together = Our society doesn't work for monogamy

  • Its natural to want to have an affair, biologically speaking we're not meant for a monogamous relationship. Affairs happen in all long term relationships. Its the ones that work through those rough times that separate themselves from the other relationship. Which is harder to find in today society.

  • I feel like I'm in this kind of situation with a girl in a relationship. she has a boyfriend, there's nothing physical, but we do talk like you might in a relationship.

  • She is not giving any advice as a scientist but as a conservative individual. She is not dealing with science but with values. The only scientific fact reported here is that there is a direct correlation between emotional affairs and physical affairs. And you don't have to be Einstein to get this "Big Think". The rest of her speech is only an interpretation about what is good or wrong. It's not Education, it's Religion.

    I just want to remind you that there is many other ways to understand and to interprete this "Big Think". First, emotions are definitely not under control. As a piece of evidence, it would sound weird if you order someone to love this or that, or to be happy, and even worse, to be sad. It's just because we are in great part passive about emotions and passions. Secondly, passion is not love. I hope you don't love your partners just because you have a physical affair with them. So, even though you have an emotional affair with someone, that doesn't mean necessarily you are starting to love this person and you don't love your partner. And maybe it's better to have emotional affairs that emotional frustrations. Anyway, I don't know and that is not my point. I just want to underline that there are other interpretations and each couple can have different rules, beyond good and evil. You don't have to believe that transparency is required in love affair. You don't have to get your rules from the common opinions. What is the cost of frustration? Is it good or wrong to be jealous? Do I have the right to order my partner to be transparent with me? What means love for me? Get your own personal judgments.

    My judgment : My partner is not my thing, she is not "mine", then she has the right to have her private feelings and emotions. Loving her means that I want to make her happy. That's why she is free. She is not my physical affair, she is my life affair. Does she have emotional affair with other men? Definitely yes. Does she have physical affair? if it's the case, I don't even want to notice it. It's not my affair! But she has this right and I have this right too. What do we think about jealousy? we think it's a vice way more perfidious than "cheating". Pragmatically, in real life, this topic is not central in our couple, we prefer to spend more time thinking of how to get happy together than wondering what our partner does when we are not at home.
    I repeat, my judgment is personal.

    I know, many of you will say that, in reality, I don't love my partner. You know what? I don't care ! Please just avoid to insult me just because I don't think like you.

    (Sorry for my english, I'm French.)

  • Absolutely excellent advice for anyone who wants to stay married in the digital age. Montel Williams said it best back in the 1990s: "Exes are exes for a reason." If your ex is not the co-parent of your child, keep him/her in the past. Facebook has destroyed so many marriages; anyone who is in a long-term relationship should think twice before using it for non-work related purposes. Reject the Friend request of an old flame. Just don't do it. Flirting with an ex while you're in an otherwise happy relationship makes as much sense as an alcoholic buying a bottle of his/her favorite liquor as a way to test his/her sobriety. At some point, you'll cave to temptation.

  • Slippery slope is usually a fallacy of persuasion. The effect of flirtation should be resisted by both parties. I have not seen any respect to my flirtation skills too greatly. If people are affected, they already had a significant interest in a different part of me, which I often times thought, "Why am I the one to flirt, if so?"

  • Or just freaking chill.. Humans aren't monogamous by nature. If my partner felt like she does in this video, I'd find another partner or none at all 🙂

  • My husband wont communicate with me. I've begged and pleaded with him to talk about our problems but he just ignores me. He won

  • Now Voyager 1941 (movie with Bette Davis)-Great example of an emotional (non-physical) love
    I really don't agree with the "possessive" attitude that many people take with their partners. You may be married to someone, but they are not your property. They're entitled to have friends and confide in other people. There has to be a healthy balance built on respect, trust, and boundaries. I have personally seen 2 relationships fail because one partner tried to emotionally monopolize/dominate the other.

  • what if, say, a man who was dumped by his wife, and after 6 months has an emotional affair with a non emotional (secretive and hard to gain any info regarding feelings etc) married woman who is actually having another emotional affair at the same time with another guy, but the single guy is still living with his wife, is he cheating?

  • Hey so uh,I need help….

    So my friend introduced me to her boyfriend's friend(other school and older)and so in order to please my friend and not dissapoint her i became his girlfriend since he was looking for one.So a couple of days later,I started being in love with a friend of mine.We have known each other for years,ut somehow this changed.We talked about how he wanted to find a girlfriend and do something in the party(25 November) and I love him now.I know this is cheating and he does know I have a relationship but i really do want to end it to be with him…Though he told me he has a crush😞and it is not on me…the party is in four days,I am still with the other guy i have been procastinating on ti break up with him from day one…Please anyone any help is appreciated.

    Thanks

  • My boyfriend was emotionally abusive so I was scared to confide in him maybe I'd say the wrong thing and he'd yell at me. So I started confiding more in my friends. My female friend moved and the other stopped wanting to hang out. So I started being better friends with one of my male friends and caught feelings. What do I do break up with my boyfriend give it time and maybe I'll date my male friend one day. Try to work things out with my current boyfriend.

  • Indeed. My girlfriend just started working somewhere new and talks a lot about her new boss. Got a funny vibe from just her showing me his picture. My intuition usually never fails me. Her and her mom are trying to follow this new herbal diet plan he talks a lot about which is fine, but she seems rather impressed by him and his previous work related "accomplishments". Seems to be a lot of chit chat between them during their down time. She gets defensive when I question something about him also. Just a strange feeling. He's married with a few kids, but when has that ever stopped someone before right?

  • This concept has so much potential for abuse on the part of insecure/controlling partners that I honestly have to exercise quite a bit of patience to sit still for lectures about it. Everything is so amorphous, totally innocent relationships can be painted in the most accusatory fashion: confiding in someone – friendship? or EMOTIONAL AFFAIR????? God, the irony of putting "slippery slope" in the title.

  • Sometimes a person is afflicted with hyper-sexuality or sometimes referred to as sex addiction. Sex is their drug. They get a high from their sexual escapades.

  • Once we accept the FACT that the human animal is not hardwired at birth for monogamy, we can then drop terms like 'cheating' and/or 'infidelity'. Born fatally flawed, we are taught the theory of monogamy by fatally flawed teachers, parents and religiously programmed puppets. Guilt is expunged when we accept that 'one partner for life' is a pipe dream and totally unrealistic. I'm not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, sociologist, anthropologist or biologist but I love playing them on social media.

  • if I am cheating on my partner then why should I be concerned if my spouse is cheating on me?? because to be honest it's working the same way, your in love with this new person having an affair aswell as you're trusting partner is also doing the same thing so to be honest its all just messed up really. why not just keep having this affair with this new partner even if they are your best friends who cares if your going to cheat do it without no hesitation if you feel like your not being loved by your own spouse then finding someone who will be their for you more than the spouse is a must.

  • Im the guy who hits up my exs on social media. Pretty good success rate (probably about 75%). Guys you should really try it.

  • I wrote a lot but this will help someone who really needs to know why women choose to ruin men's lives. This will save men and women from making the mistake of allowing immoral people to be in your life. Do not harm yourself when these people hurt you just remove yourself from them far away from these people. RUN FAST DO NOT LOOK BACK FOR YOUR MIND SAKE!!!

    My dad raised me because my mom worked and my dad raised me to not be a female that he called a harlot that just use men. I had to raise my sons as a widow and teach them what my dad taught me. I understand now why my dad raised me because God knew I was going to raise 3 sons as a widow. The main problem men have is women so I had to make sure my sons knew my dad's experience with women as well as my own so they do not make bad choices in relationships.

    I read the bible since the age of 6 and it mostly talks about it is better to stay away from an immoral woman. These women will use you then drop you like nothing because they have no fear or respect for God or people. These women do not even respect their own selves.
    The bible says these type of women are unstable.

    I remember my female friends in high school went through guys as if these guys were nothing which to me was horribly wrong. In their 20s these females had sex like it was drinking water and did not care about the guy. These women now have many children with different men not married, angry, hate and mad at God for their own choices. God says do not have sex without being married. I listened to God and His way works. When I did not listen to God it did not go right for me.

    I made great choices before I became a widow at the age of 24. After my late hubby died I was depressed and did things I should not have done which I do understand that God allowed me to go through these things. When I was in my late 20s for a few months God was not in my thoughts I did not read my bible and did not pray as I used to. I understand now people that go against God because they do not have God in their thoughts and only because God is allowing this so they can go through their trials to find Him.

    I am grateful it was only a few months because I only needed that one thing to turn my life around that scared me so much I started to read my bible and pray as before. After this horrible event in my life, I read the bible cover to cover several times and prayed every day. Some people need to get tormented by the devil over and over before they realize God’s way is the only way no other way will work. God knew what I needed to change from my wicked ways to do what is right, so I do not cause anyone to stumble.

    Because of my experience with my female friends, I told my sons to watch out for females explained what my dad told me and they listened. I have 3 sons now in their late 20s early 30s still virgins finished college and have great careers now.

    My sons are now in the position to look for a wife that really fears and respect God they're many out there and they know to stay far away from a harlot. My sons seek First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and they know God will keep them from an immoral woman. These God-fearing women you will not find in a club, bar, or anywhere because only God can send them your way. Proverbs 18:22He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 19:14 Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord.

    Do not have sex with a female without being married because this will mess your mind up. As the bible says women can have sex without an emotional connection without love who is God. Men have a deep connection and cannot get the female out of his mind no matter how hard he tries females can damage the mindset of a guy. This will be bad for the woman that God has for the guy. The guy's mind is messed up from the females he had sex with believing nothing will come of it now he cannot trust anyone.

    The females in the bible had multiple sex partners which demons went into these women and when you have sex with these females their demons will come on you and haunt you. Mark 16:9 Now when He rose early on the first day of the week, He appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom He had cast seven demons.

    Seek First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and all you need will be added to you including your spouse. If you have sex before marriage you will live with curses that will affect your relationships and once you open that door of having sex before marriage this will give you troubles in your flesh that could eventually lead to death it is not worth it. Those who had sex before they were married always regretted that decision & if you cheat after you get married this too will be regretted eventually. When you keep seeking flesh & possessions you will always be wanting never satisfied. Because there is a God and He sees everything there is no way to keep anyone tied down to a relationship if God is not bonding the relationship together.

    If a person does not respect God they will not respect the relationship & will cheat because they do not believe that they will have consequences to their actions. Whoever goes against God's Words and has relations outside of the marriage will always have a miserable outcome & that relationship will not last nor will you feel secure while being with that person. It is best to do it the right way by having one person never cheating & then you will find peace no other way than the right way.

    Proverbs 22:14 The mouth of an immoral woman is a deep pit; He who is abhorred by the Lord will fall there.
    Proverbs 5 My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
    Lend your ear to my understanding,
    2 That you may preserve discretion,
    And your lips may keep knowledge.
    3 For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,
    And her mouth is smoother than oil;
    4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
    Sharp as a two-edged sword.
    5 Her feet go down to death,
    Her steps lay hold of hell.
    6 Lest you ponder her path of life—
    Her ways are unstable;
    You do not know them.
    1 Corinthians 7: 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
    Proverbs 22: 14 The mouth of an immoral woman is a deep pit; a man experiencing the LORD's wrath will fall into it.

    Proverbs 2: 16 Wisdom will deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger, who flattereth with her words,

    Proverbs 30: 20 This is the way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, “I have done no wrong.”
    Proverbs 6
    32 He who commits adultery lacks sense;
    he who does it destroys himself.
    33 He will get wounds and dishonor,
    and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
    34 For jealousy makes a man furious,
    and he will not spare when he takes revenge.
    35 He will accept no compensation;
    he will refuse though you multiply gifts.

    Proverbs 2 : 16 To deliver you from the immoral woman,
    From the seductress who flatters with her words,
    17 Who forsakes the companion of her youth,
    And forgets the covenant of her God.
    18 For her house leads down to death,
    And her paths to the dead;
    19 None who go to her return,
    Nor do they regain the paths of life—
    20 So you may walk in the way of goodness,
    And keep to the paths of righteousness.
    21 For the upright will dwell in the land,
    And the blameless will remain in it;
    22 But the wicked will be cut off from the earth,
    And the unfaithful will be uprooted from it.

    Romans 1: 26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

    28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.

  • The point of this video is: If you are investing time on another individual of the opposite sex and starts to drift away from your main partner because of this. Then that's a red flag. They can deny emotional affairs all they want, or maybe not even realize that they're in one. But the moment someone is checking out from their main partner by actions, then it's a reason for concern.

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  • Was flirting with a married middle aged woman via email recently until I was ghosted three weeks ago. Do I feel bad that I flirted knowing she had a husband?? FUCK NO! He can join in too 😏🤣😂!

    She's not too happy with me but I don't care, she's still a snack for being 50 and practices great self-care. 🤤😈🍌

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  • I grappled with this one myself. I had a boyfriend who would get insanely jealous if he saw me having a serious i tense conversation at university, about something that had nothing to do with romance or sexuality, with some very ugly but possibly interesting, smart guy I liked to have i ntelligent conversations with. I had these with my boyfriend, too, but he was my special guy, so nneed for intellectual conversations with him because we could do other things together, like young lovers did. So, couldInot understand his insane jealousy. U til later in life, when I met a guy I liked, who loved me, but whose i nterests I did not share. So he spent ages discussing these women who did understand
    and share them. Which I tbought was fair enough, as
    eoI trusted him. But, when I saw these women going a little beyond the mere enthusiastic sharing of a mutual interest, to shari g a sexual, romantic intereseflirting looks, sexy outfits, body la nguage, I could understand this kind of emotional infidelity, on an instictivelevel and it is even more emotionally crushing than the loved onecheating by a purely sex driven motivation. Because you know there is a clear emotional co nectiothe other person has with them that you have not and can never have, even if you try to get interested in their mutually bo ding pursuit you hate, find boring etctbut pretend to enjoy, to hold them. I think if you have an i terestyour loved one cannot share, best to pursye it alone or with others of your gender, though this can be troublesome, too. Eg the wife who invites a female friend to share ahobby at her house, only to find her female friend ogli g her husband, then seduci g him and taki g over the house. Happens often nowadays, as women arvery treacherous and believe all is fair ilove and war. Betray your best female friend, if you have thenchance to take what she has that you envy eg a good husband. So scummy. Blameceminism for this sort of highly unethical behaviour. Though some men do it, too,
    Only not quite so readily as females will, to get what they want. Their end justifies their means and they don't care who gets hurt. U less it is themselves. Very narcissistic.
    .

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