Marry Your Friend, Not Your Lover – You Let Me Down

Marry Your Friend, Not Your Lover – You Let Me Down

– I think it’s fair to
say most people want to get married one day. I do. And by that I mean if
I ever do get married, I want it to last
24 hours, that’s it. Commitment scares the
living shit out of me. It scares everybody. Why do I get shit for
not wanting to commit? This whole culture is
commitment terrified. We have major issues with it. Zero contract phone plans,
short-term car leases, cancel anytime subscriptions,
online friends you can block at any instant. I don’t like what you
tweeted about CNN. I don’t like what
you tweeted about … shut the fuck up. So why are people
getting married? Why? Because it always turns
out so great, right? Well you know
that’s not the case. But did anybody ever bother
to tell us maybe we’re doing marriage wrong,
or maybe marriage could potentially turn into a bad
thing if you keep doing it in this traditional fashion? No, nobody says to you when
you’re a kid one day you’ll meet your soulmate that you’ll
have a 48% chance of divorcing in under 10 years. There are three reasons
why people get married. I think people get married
number one out of boredom. Sitting home alone
is fucking boring. I live alone in an
apartment with my dog. I get so goddamn bored, I start talking to
him and I don’t mean in like doggy
gibberish talk either. I talk to my dog in
complete goddamn sentences, which is fucking insane. The second reason I
think people get married double the income. Marriage makes you
twice as much money. And I know that sounds
cold and economic, it is. Anytime I’ve ever
thought to myself hey I should get married,
the immediate thought following was, so
I can buy a house. Finally the third reason
reason get married, and I want you to think about
your parents on this one, does one of them help the
other one when they get sick? Mom’s in bed with the flu. Does dad bring her soup? Shit like that? That’s the third reason. Survival. Honey, I’ve been coughing
up blood for an hour. Can you please drive
me to the hospital? I’ve asked you six times. Dearest, I have a
tick in my asshole. Help. But people, a lot of good
people they still get divorced. Why is it if what motivates us
to get married, is so crucial to a pleasant existence:
staying alive, economic gain, having someone to talk
to besides your dog, why the hell does anybody
ever get divorced? For one simple reason, sex. Romantic love, sex makes
commitment so much harder than it already is. Married people should
never fuck ever. Each other I mean, they
should fuck all other kinds of people all over the
place, but they should never fuck each other. Here’s the solution,
platonic marriage. No sex, all friendship. You and a friend, same or
opposite sex both of you having no interest in
standard matrimony. You love each other and you
take care of each other, emotionally like this. Never like this. You do whatever you want. Hey how are you Bob? How was work today? It was pretty good, Jan. How about you? It was good, who
are you talking to? None of your fucking business. This is a platonic marriage. Yeah that’s a good point. Speaking of which, I got
a thing I’m doing tonight. I met these two on the
internet, you can’t be involved. Hey baby what’s up? All right. Ooh I just like to watch. Now get over here
and pay the toll. Nobody rides for
free in this place. All right I guess I’ll to
pay the toll in saliva. It’s the ultimate version
of a great roommate. You both tend to your respective
household duties and you enjoy each other’s company, and you don’t share
a bed or a bedroom. I’m on to something here. Trust me, I know it’s
tough to ditch the idea of traditional marriage. After all, it’s been
beaten into your head since you were a kid. Your parents and your loved
ones, they sold you on the marriage idea because they
feared for your loneliness. Unfortunately, they didn’t
have a perfect solution to the loneliness dilemma so they
offered you the best thing they were aware of even
though it’s as flawed as Siri. You love Siri. Platonically not romantically
because she’s flawed. Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Hi Siri. Is it hey Siri, or hi Siri? Hi Siri, hey Siri. With Alexa it’s just Alexa. With Alexa that’s all
you got to say, no hey. Fucking piece of shit.

40 thoughts on “Marry Your Friend, Not Your Lover – You Let Me Down

  • Arguments for how to live your life based on statistics are a bit brainless. They're often given as if it's all complete luck or chance.

    Here's a statistic. 100% of all human lives end in death. What does that say? Don't try life, it always fails?
    Too late. You're alive now, or you wouldn't be reading this.

    How about this: don't unskeptically accept statististics as wisdom or answers to your particular life. They aren't.

    All relationships take honesty with yourself and to others, about a lot of unpleasant things. You have to move beyond your childish whims to even make your life work better as a single person. If you can't manage that, and think you're "beating the system" by trying to stay on the safe side of statistics, you always lose, and yeah, don't get married. Leave it to people who try at life, despite the 100% chance that it ends in death.

  • not to debate his idea on marriage on a comedy video- but aren't humans naturally fucking horny fucks & platonic relationships would just end up with humans fucking each other anyway??
    especially since not all platonic relationships has both parties actually fucking people?

  • Joe DeRosa… A sophisticated man. A man with class, a man with grace, a man with taste.. Passion… Charisma… Opinions… Intensity.. Vindicated, smoldering rage.. A sane man trapped in a sick world, doing his best to keep us entertained. Here's to you, Mr. DeRosa

  • I get a zero contract phone because they're better priced for the phone and the contract not because of a fear of a contract

  • or just make sure you actually marry a friend….

    Someone you can actually have a conversation with about shit like swinging and w/e else you two want to do to keep this partnership exciting.

    IDK how many bitches say "I just see him as a friend". Bitch that is GREAT. Now put whatever shallow shit you're holding out for to the side cause dude's probably really great if you're FRIENDS. And no, i'm not telling you to marry hunchback, but if the only thing holding you back is some stupidly trivial shit like him being a gamer, or something equally as dumb then set that to the side.

    Benefits of being Bi: Sex don't matter but someone's getting poked >.>

  • This is bullshit.
    Babies learn everything when there 5, not only marriage.
    Couples get divorced because that person isn't there 'soulmate' or they didn't think trice before getting married (conclusion => stay longer with the person before considering marriage like more than one year).
    Ofcourse married couples care for each other, any couple do. And people marry to buy a house 🏡!? That one's new. Never happened before. They marry then they buy a house cause they don't know where their spouse wants to live and where not. So they consider each other's choices. Also, if two of then have 2 separate! houses 🏘 really far away from each other and both small is less preferable then having a single fairly big house altogether.
    So basically your reasons suck, and you don't even know what to do with your relationship life.

  • This is how marriage actually worked until the romantics made the idea of combining the two. Crazy huh

  • Is he serious ?
    Is this correct ?
    The divorce is because of sex !
    I thought sex is a helpful reason to complete the marriage

  • Wow, this guy's incredibly miserable! Does he ever make people laugh? Is "I have a tick in my asshole" a joke?

  • There is only one reason to get married. That is if both people want to make children and have a family, No other reason.

  • Was married (Traditionally) 22 years. When we decided to separate, because we had been friends for so long both before and during the marriage, we didn't get divorced, there were no hissy fits or fights, we just decided to live more like roommates and do our own things while still being a part of each others lives, and having the benefits of marriage with none of the negatives. It's been almost a year now, and we're both happier with life in general, and the tension that was there is just.. gone. Well, aside from a few roommate style issues, like one of us leaving dishes in the sink and whatnot. Not sure it's the right solution for everyone or anything like that, but it was definitely the right one for us. It was really odd to hear someone else talk about it, so.. subscribed. 😀

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