what is the Purpose of Marriage
Happy Anniversary! Oh, ah, I forgot. No, that’s okay. Oh, a sweater! You always look so good in red. It’s not grey? No, obviously. Diane, I’m colorblind. I can’t see red. I got your favorite dessert. Chocolate cake. But, I prefer vanilla. Huh.
–She’s like, “No, I don’t–I don’t– I don’t think we can.” I’m like, “Why?” And she goes, “I think– I think my vagina’s too small.” And first off, that’s fucked up. Like, all you have to say is, “I think your dick is too big.” [laughter][dark electronic music]– [gagging]♪[electronic whirring] [alarm blaring]♪[explosion booms]♪[cheers and applause] […]
– I try and schedule tours around school breaks, you know like at Christmas one year I did a bunch of shows in Florida, my wife and kids came down. My wife’s family also came down, ’cause they didn’t want us to have a good time. (audience laughing) I’m kidding, I love my wife’s family. […]
WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING. BECAUSE ON A DAILY […]
I think we got marriage– I think we should redo marriage. Let’s redo marriage. Let’s redo marriage. Let’s make it difficult to get married, easy to be divorced. Let’s make it difficult. You got to pay money up front. You got to pay a fine. You got to pay money. How much you love her? […]
I WAS HAVING LUNCH WITH A FRIEND OF MINE ONCE, AND I TOLD HIM, “HEY, THERE’S THIS ONE GIRL THAT WORKS IN THIS RESTAURANT. SHE’S SO CUTE, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HER.” AND HE GOES, “OH, MAN, ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS GO OVER THERE AND BE HONEST WITH HER FOR […]
I will tell you, I don’t know if any dude’s have been through the wedding planning process, but it’s god-awful. it’s another reason why I’m for gay marriage well, weddings ain’t for straight dudes, alright. Let’s be honest. that’s got nothing to do with us, I mean it’s not even our party we don’t even […]
Madhesi Wedding or Jatra Nepali Stand-up Comedy Salman B. Laugh Nepal
agar tu sabse bada middle class nikla toh T.A.S.C mein tera aana pakka excuse me sir Atul Khatri woh job ke liye haan baithiye na Atul Khatri stand up comedian tum T.A.S.C kyun join karna chahtey ho sir T.A.S.C mein job karunga toh society mein thodi respect badhegi bacche bhi thoda izzat denge sir government […]
I CAN RECALL ANOTHER ONE, LIKE, IN, YOU KNOW I THINK IT WAS IN ’85, LIKE, WHEN ALL THAT ANDROGYNOUS S**T WAS GOING ON, AND WHAT WAS WILD WAS THAT THE GUY WHO LOOKED THE MOST LIKE A BITCH WAS GETTING ALL THE WOMEN. EVEN I HAD IT– THE JERRY CURL WAS COMING OUT, AND […]
