When You’re A Couple With Trust Issues

When You’re A Couple With Trust Issues


♫ Watch you leave me ♫ By your side ♫ Is what I want to be,
what I wanna be baby ♫ No surprise ♫ Love you like a new upon me ♫ I’m falling for you ♫ – [Guy On Right] Hey, Will. – Hey, how we doing, Scott? – [Scott] Good.
– Good. Those were some pretty
slick dance moves out there. – Ah, it’s just the alcohol, man. You know, just having a good
time, gets the body moving! – Moving and grooving. Well, see you out there. – [Scott] Oh, God,
dude, there’s pee on me! What the fuck, man? – Bartender, I need another Rosie. Aren’t you so glad you came out tonight? Oh, Scott, we’re over here. (woeful chords) – [Voiceover] Uh yes
lasted for three minutes. Today we’re talking about Splash, the 1984 Tom Hanks,
Daryl Hannah, John Candy, Eugene Levy movie. – Come on, brunch in 10. – Kelsey, I don’t wanna go
to brunch, I’m hungover– – We are not doing this today. We are not laying in bed, listening to some sad podcast all day. – I’m gonna do more than listen
to a sad podcast, alright. I’m gonna play Fallout, and
I’m gonna go to the gym. It’s actually a pretty full day. – I had to drag you out last night. – Men go to the bar to pick up women. I already have a woman, so I
don’t need to go to the bar. – Don’t make me feel bad
for wanting to be social. I watch you play video games all the time, plus, after your behavior last night, Scott was covered in his own urine. – Scott also had his dick in your butt. – Apologize to Scott, or
you’re coming to brunch with me and Paul. – Who’s Paul? – Paul, advertising Paul from
the barbecue, Fourth of July. – Oh, the dude who always
kisses you when he says hello? – Oh, okay, I get it. – [Guy] What? – You don’t wanna go to brunch with us because you think everybody and everything wants to hump me, is that it? (laughs wryly) (laughs) – I know everyone and everything wants to hump you,
’cause you’re my woman– – [Girl] Your balls are
– and people want – so hot!
– [Guy] what I have. – Why are your balls so hot? – But I don’t give it to them! – Ah, your balls are so
squishy I can feel them! – You better believe it, girl. They’re squishy for you. (elevator music) – Oh, Paul, hey. – Hey, mwah, mwah. – [Girl] How are you?
– I just put our name in. – Oh, thanks. – Will, look at you,
mwah, you’re beautiful. Have you been here before? – I haven’t, but I saw your Instagram from last week and I’m like
really excited to try it. – You’re gonna love it, it’s delicious. – I can’t wait. – You hungry? – He’s always hungry.
– [Paul] Great. – Oh, you guys weren’t
at supper club last week. – No, I wanted to go but
we were tired that night. – You’re coming next time,
you’re coming next time. – Maybe we could all go out to
dinner tonight, or something? – I wish I could, but I’m actually biking off to Point Mugu
tonight to go camping. – You’re going motorcycle
camping at Point Mugu? That sounds amazing. – This place has the most beautiful views you have ever seen. It doesn’t feel like
we’re in America anymore. It doesn’t feel like this time period. – You know what, I have never
been that far up the PCH. – You’re coming, you’re absolutely
coming, you have to come. – Well, I mean, we’re not doing anything, maybe we could ride it, Will? – Oh, actually, the bike
only has two seats, so. – Oh, well maybe you could
like drive behind us, or. – It’s actually bicep day, for me, which is a pretty big thing, so I’m gonna probably go to the gym. – Well, maybe I’ll just go then. – Just you and me? Yeah, camping buddy.
– [Girl] Fuck yeah, camping. – We’re gonna have a great time. – What do I need to pack? – Oh, nothing, I’ll
take care of everything, just bring like a warm sweater. – It’s just weird, you
going on a camping trip alone with a guy. – You have female friends. – Yeah, who are completely harmless. – And so are my male friends. Not everyone is trying to fuck me. – Oh, kissy kissy, let’s go
for a ride on my motorcycle, let’s go camping, let’s
get the implication of we’re out here in the
woods and if you don’t sleep with me, I’ll slit your throat, that’s what’s going on,
that’s what’s happening. Just like creepy Charles, he’s
gonna murder-rape you too. – Oh my God, a-fucking-gain
with creepy Charles. I spent $45 at H&M, isn’t that ridiculous? – He’s still sending you
Edible Arrangements every week. It’s still an issue. – You don’t trust me! – I trust you. I just don’t trust other men. Listen, I’ve been a single guy,
I know the thought pattern. – You don’t trust me to know who to trust and who not to trust. That’s like the same thing, okay? – Kelsey, I’m not trying to piss you off, but you’ve put me in an
impossible situation. Either I go with you, and I
look like a jealous asshole to you and all your friends, or I don’t go and I look
like a lazy asshole. – Well which is it? – [Paul] It’s actually edible,
we can come back here and put yeah, no we can like cook that up. I actually once put that in, um, I made hot toddies at a campfire. – Shut up. – Yeah, it’s just natural
stuff that grows here ’cause I know the area so well. – Oh my God, see, I am
so glad we did this. I have not been outside
and smelled the air, I mean I feel like I’m
huffing a Febreeze can. – It’s really, oh, jeez. – Sorry. – You’re really not good at this, are you? – No, I never go outside. – Okay, here’s what I’m thinking. – Okay. – We pitch a tent, campfire, cook. – Yes. – We’re gonna make some drinks. – Drinks first? – Drinks first. – Yes! (angelic choir music) – Hey, dude, what’s up, man? – Oh, Scott, what’s up, man? – I didn’t realize you come to this gym. – Yeah, dude, yeah. – So, I touched your hand, I’m so sorry. – It’s okay, I just got a few
minutes left on the old bike. What are you up to? – I wanted to come and
apologize for last night. I feel like I kinda flipped out on you. – Dude, it’s totally fine,
you had a bunch to drink. Don’t worry about it, it’s cool. See you around, Scott. – Peace. – See you. – ‘Cause you know, my
night wasn’t so cool. I got into a cab and I smelled like pee, and the cab driver was like
yo dude, get out of my cab ’cause you smell like pee. And guess what I did after that? I walked home smelling like pee. – Aw, that sucks, man. You live pretty close
to the club though, huh? – Yeah. – Saw that. Thank God for that. – Yeah. All right, well, man, dude, good talk. – Cool man, yep. – Hey, dude, are you cool with
me and Kelsey being friends? – Yeah, totally cool. – Dude, look, I just
wanted you to know that you don’t have any reason to
be jealous of me and Kelsey. – I’m not, I’m not jealous. I’m not a jealous person. – [Scott] Okay.
– Not jealous. – Cool, ’cause sometimes
I just feel like maybe you get jealous and then
maybe because you’re jealous you do things that you
don’t realize you do and someone walks home– – Scott! – Okay. – Listen, Kelsey is on a camping trip with a guy right now, Paul. And it’s completely platonic, and I’m not jealous in the slightest. – Advertising Paul. – That’s the same guy. – I really misjudged the situation. I, this whole time, thought
that you were the jealous one, and I guess maybe I was
like projecting jealousy. ‘Cause you guys have
the type of relationship that is like glue, that you can send her out into the woods with like, a man. God, and you guys don’t even
fight, ’cause you guys talk and you guys listen to
each other, you know, and there’s no jealousy. – Hey, Scott, I gotta
stop you right there. I’m sorry, I gotta go, bud. – Sorry. (scoffs) So you do know that word. You know the word sorry. Dick, fucking dick! (frenzied drum music) (voices in fast forward) – [Voiceover] Kelsey, where have you been? I miss you so much! (voices in fast forward) – [Kelsey] How was Paul’s supper club? – [Voiceover] You should have come! – [Kelsey] Will always
has some bullshit excuse. (voices in fast forward) – [Voiceover] What was that about? – [Kelsey] He didn’t pee on Scott. – [Voiceover] Talk to him. – [Kelsey] No, he’s just
too fucking stubborn. – [Voiceover] You know, this is not what I thought my 20s were gonna look like. Maybe you need a break. – [Kelsey] I mean God,
it was so embarrassing. – [Voiceover] Are you still
thinking of ending things? – [Kelsey] (sighs) Don’t know. – Um hmm, um hmm. – There we go, nailed it. God, this is so fucking cool. I mean like, you’re so cool. Your Instagram, and your Snapchat, you’re always in one place and another and like you eat such
interesting looking salads. – I swear they’re normal
salads, I put bok choy. That what it, it’s just bok choy. It photographs well, bok choy. – I wish I could eat bok choy in salads. – Why couldn’t you? What’s stopping you from good salads? – (sighs) Will, for one. And like two… What’re you doing? – What am I doing? – I don’t know, your face is
like getting close to my face. – Your face, it’s your face. – No. – This looks like our last round. I think we should just pack
up, get in our sleeping bag, and just crash. – Ours? What do you mean ours? – I brought a sleeping bag for us. – You brought one? You brought one sleeping bag? – Yeah, well, it fits two. It’s not like it’s a big problem. It’s just the one for us. – We’re both supposed to sleep in the one fucking sleeping bag? Dude, no. I’m…no. I’m with Will. We’re, like, together. – Yeah, I know, you’re with Will. I’m not trying to split you up. – Stop! Dude, did you plan this? – Well, obviously, yeah. Did you think this was
just like an accident? Wait, wait, Kelsey. – I’m gonna go. – Wait, Kelsey, wait. You can’t, where are you gonna go? You don’t know these trails like I do. – I’ll figure it out. – We’re just camping! Kelsey! Fucking fuck fuck! – [Voiceover] Let me
pose you this question just out of nowhere: what about a mermaid? – [Voiceover] Oh! – [Voiceover] Would you fuck a mermaid? – [Voiceover] There’s
multiple answers to that, because there’s multiple ways
that mermaids could work. Which I, you know, I didn’t always know. – Hey. Hey. Um, can you pick me up? – [Voiceover] And when
she becomes a mermaid, those have to disappear,
or at least change. Which I don’t know if Tom Hanks considers. – [Voiceover] And then
there’d be like hashtag groups and flash mobs about saving the mermaids. – [Voiceover] Right, it’s one
of the things I think about when I watch Ghostbusters, too. – [Voiceover] Yeah… (Mariachi music) – Oh my God! – Snapchat, am I right? – Oh my God! (knocking) – (sighs) How’d you know I was here? – I figured it out. Listen, I just wanted to come over and let you know that I made
things right with Scott. – So you apologized, or? – Yeah, and he’s a good guy, and I’m sorry I jumped all over him, and I should trust you
to pick your own friends, whether they be guys or girls. – So is that as close to an
apology as I’m gonna get, or? – No, I’m sorry. I know I’ve really sucked recently, and I’m gonna try and do better by you, and to prove it, I went
out and got us tickets to see Tame Impala next
weekend in San Diego. – What? – Yeah, and I got– – Dude! – I got extra tickets too, so if you wanna bring your guy friends, like you can, even if they’re guy friends.
– [Kelsey] God, I don’t care. – You can bring Scott. – [Kelsey] Shut up. – As long as he doesn’t pee on himself. – [Kelsey] I’m not gonna bring Scott. I just wanna go with you. – Well, how was camping? – Oh, we were gonna hike
up to Point Mugu, but it looked like it was
gonna rain, so we just… – Rain? – Yeah, we hiked back
down, and then I decided to just call creepy Charles to pick me up. – Why didn’t you call me? Listen, I’m just happy you’re back, and I’m sorry I was a jerk, and, I mean Charles, I guess he’s not such a bad guy after all. – No, I keep telling you,
he’s just misunderstood. – Those Edible Arrangements
are fucking delicious. – [Kelsey] You love them! – I know. – [Kelsey] I think his mom works for the company or something. She like drives one of
the trucks or something. – I was wondering how he gets
so many of them so quickly. – [Kelsey] Well, it’s
not like his real mom, it’s like one of his moms. – [Will] One of his moms? – [Kelsey] Yeah. (angelic choir music)
– [Voiceover] Feel for you. How do you feel about down there? – [Voiceover] I was fine with her. I, that’s exactly how I would go. – [Voiceover] Okay, okay. (laughs) I think that’s fair. Um, I don’t think, like. (tape ripping)

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